Hi, Terry-
I'm kind of confused as to what to do.
I've been with my wife for over 10 years. We met in 1998 (started dating August of 1998), got engage in 2003 and finally married in 2005. We've been together the whole time. For both of us it has been a commitment since the first date.
Slowly and slowly more things I do annoy her. I made a sandwich the other day, and she was upset that there were some crumbs left on the counter top. And I really do try to do a good job of not being sloppy. I haven't always been good with that, but it certainly wasn't because I was trying to be evil or rude.... it just wasn't something I was that aware of. But I'm making an effort to be more considerate.
She gets annoyed that I leave my closet door open. I didn't see the issue with it, so instead of making it an issue I just complied. Now it's some crumbs I left on the counter top.
It's hard dealing with at times because it's a really crappy feeling to view yourself as this big clod of a nuisance that just annoys the person you care about so much.
I don't really have a lot of friends anymore. So many moved away after graduating from high school and then college.
It's hard at times not to be overwhelmed with a feeling of being alone.
Anyway....
Thanks for any insight.
God bless.
-Becoming Depressed
Dear Becoming-
From your email, I can tell you're a loving and caring guy, the type of man who makes his wife's happiness a priority. Take comfort in the fact that a lot of women would love to find someone like you.
When one spouse starts getting annoyed with the other over little things, it may mean the relationship needs a little air. It's possible your wife is getting too much of you right now (please don't be offended by this; it's human nature to take just about everything for granted. We all do it, unfortunately).
You say that you've lost touch with friends, so the best thing you could do is make some new ones. You can do this pretty easily by pursuing an old or new interest; you're bound to meet new people at a class at the Home Depot or on a local sports team for men your age.
If you haven't already, join Facebook to reconnect with old friends. (Since I joined, I've been invited to several reunions. In late January, I'm scheduled to meet up with a bunch of friends from my childhood neighborhood. Haven't seen some of the them in decades.)
Caveat about Facebook: Avoid becoming too friendly with former girlfriends. The goal here is to reinvigorate your relationship with your wife, not destroy it.
If you make more of a social life for yourself, you'll give your wife time to herself, which will give her time to think about you. Small absences do make the heart grow fonder. And when you come home from seeing a friend, you'll have something fresh to talk about with her.
If you have a cell phone and are in the habit of calling your wife repeatedly during the day, limit your calls. Call if you're going to be late, but save the "How was your day?" conversation until you're looking her in the eye. If you call your wife too often, what will you talk about when you see each other? Cell phones can be deadly to romance.
When you're regularly giving the relationship air, it's very possible your wife will stop taking you for granted. At this point, it'll be fun to go out (alone) together for dinner or for something else you both enjoy. Dates really help bring back the spark, especially when you actually have things to talk about!
(Finding a decent babysitter can be stressful, so please help.)
As for the bit about the closet door being open and the crumbs on the countertop, they do seem like small things. But if you have children, your wife is likely cleaning up after them. It's no fun to clean up after other people.
However, if she doesn't do it, and someone shows up unexpectedly at your house, they will most likely judge her (not your or your children) a slob and a rotten housekeeper. She's under some pressure to keep the place looking just so.
I want to reiterate that you do sound like a wonderful guy. I hope this helps, and I wish you every happiness in the world.
-Terry
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Things to Know Before You Agree to Marry Him
Dear Terry,
I always feel happy reading your blog and your newsletters as well! I read these two points in your newsletter:
1) "Which brings us to YOU. How do you feel about infidelity? If it's a deal breaker for you, don't marry a man and assume it's a deal breaker for him."
2)"If you want a faithful guy, marry a faithful guy. If you want (or don't want) children, marry a man who's on the same page."
---------
Now, you could ask a man if he wants kids after marriage or not? When do you ask this? Is it when you decide he's the one? Is it when he proposes ?
Now, the tougher part - How do you find out if a man's faithful? Please don't tell me we can ask the man to find out if he's faithful or not! If he's interested in the girl, his answer would always be yes!
And how do you ask this question? I know many faithful great married men, but then there are also some who cheat after 10 yrs of marriage, etc. How can you find out for sure the man would never ever cheat ?
Eagerly waiting for your reply ....
Keep me Anonymous
Hi, Anonymous-
About having kids: When you've been dating a man for a while, you're probably going to be invited to his family's house. He'll be invited to yours. Chances are, one or both of your families will have a few kids running around, and you'll see how the guy behaves around them.
You'll see if he likes them, and if they like him. Shortly after I started dating my husband, we went to a barbecue at my friend's house. She had a couple of kids and commented how good he was with them.
I passed along the compliment, but at that point, I didn't ask him if he had any plans for fatherhood.
Later on in the relationship, his sister visited from Canada to go to a wedding and asked him to babysit. I spent the day with him and his nephews. The children clearly loved him, but the subject of his having his own children had never come up between us. So, at that point, having spent many months together, I said (casually), "You really are great with kids. Do you want your own some day?"
I didn't ask him if he wanted them with me. I just let him answer.
When we started talking about getting married, I made it clear that I was open to having children, but I wasn't positive I could have them (I had no reason to think I suffered from fertility problems, but many people do. For all I knew, he did). I asked him if we were to find out we couldn't have children, would he be okay with it? I asked him if we could have children, would he be happy with two of them?
As for being faithful, there's a lot you can tell about a person by the way he looks at, behaves around, and talks about other women. If he's got a friend who's cheating on a girlfriend, what's his attitude about it? What's his attitude towards women in general?
What about his character? Does he keep his word? Show up when he says he's going to show up (and I don't mean just for you, I mean for friends, employers, etc.)? Is he prone to twisting the truth, taking the bigger half, that sort of thing? These may not be definite indicators of a potential cheater, but they are red flags. It does indicate that the guy puts his own interests before people's.
It helps to watch how his parents treat each other, or if they're remarried, how they treat their spouses.
Again, when we started talking about the possibility of marriage, I asked my then-boyfriend how he felt about cheating, if he'd ever cheated before, if his parents had a good marriage, that sort of thing. We had a discussion. He wanted to know the same things about me.
I said I don't respect cheaters, and I wouldn't stick around if he ever cheated on me. He said, "That's fair because if you ever cheated on me, I'd divorce you."
There are never any guarantees in life, so this discussion didn't guarantee we'd never cheat on one another. But having it did let him know where I stood. I knew where he stood. And knowing where we stood decreased the chances of nasty surprises.
I want to reiterate that this conversation came after we'd been together a while and had become serious. I spent much of our early relationship watching my husband to see if his actions matched his words. If they hadn't I would have let him go. The conversation would not have been necessary.
As for your question about men who cheat ten years later, I do believe that character is a good indicator about whether your guy will turn out to be one of these. Occasionally, people do change and others just make mistakes, so again you can never say never, but a man with character isn't going to go on a business trip with the intention of scoring a little side action.
I really hope this helps.
I always feel happy reading your blog and your newsletters as well! I read these two points in your newsletter:
1) "Which brings us to YOU. How do you feel about infidelity? If it's a deal breaker for you, don't marry a man and assume it's a deal breaker for him."
2)"If you want a faithful guy, marry a faithful guy. If you want (or don't want) children, marry a man who's on the same page."
---------
Now, you could ask a man if he wants kids after marriage or not? When do you ask this? Is it when you decide he's the one? Is it when he proposes ?
Now, the tougher part - How do you find out if a man's faithful? Please don't tell me we can ask the man to find out if he's faithful or not! If he's interested in the girl, his answer would always be yes!
And how do you ask this question? I know many faithful great married men, but then there are also some who cheat after 10 yrs of marriage, etc. How can you find out for sure the man would never ever cheat ?
Eagerly waiting for your reply ....
Keep me Anonymous
Hi, Anonymous-
About having kids: When you've been dating a man for a while, you're probably going to be invited to his family's house. He'll be invited to yours. Chances are, one or both of your families will have a few kids running around, and you'll see how the guy behaves around them.
You'll see if he likes them, and if they like him. Shortly after I started dating my husband, we went to a barbecue at my friend's house. She had a couple of kids and commented how good he was with them.
I passed along the compliment, but at that point, I didn't ask him if he had any plans for fatherhood.
Later on in the relationship, his sister visited from Canada to go to a wedding and asked him to babysit. I spent the day with him and his nephews. The children clearly loved him, but the subject of his having his own children had never come up between us. So, at that point, having spent many months together, I said (casually), "You really are great with kids. Do you want your own some day?"
I didn't ask him if he wanted them with me. I just let him answer.
When we started talking about getting married, I made it clear that I was open to having children, but I wasn't positive I could have them (I had no reason to think I suffered from fertility problems, but many people do. For all I knew, he did). I asked him if we were to find out we couldn't have children, would he be okay with it? I asked him if we could have children, would he be happy with two of them?
As for being faithful, there's a lot you can tell about a person by the way he looks at, behaves around, and talks about other women. If he's got a friend who's cheating on a girlfriend, what's his attitude about it? What's his attitude towards women in general?
What about his character? Does he keep his word? Show up when he says he's going to show up (and I don't mean just for you, I mean for friends, employers, etc.)? Is he prone to twisting the truth, taking the bigger half, that sort of thing? These may not be definite indicators of a potential cheater, but they are red flags. It does indicate that the guy puts his own interests before people's.
It helps to watch how his parents treat each other, or if they're remarried, how they treat their spouses.
Again, when we started talking about the possibility of marriage, I asked my then-boyfriend how he felt about cheating, if he'd ever cheated before, if his parents had a good marriage, that sort of thing. We had a discussion. He wanted to know the same things about me.
I said I don't respect cheaters, and I wouldn't stick around if he ever cheated on me. He said, "That's fair because if you ever cheated on me, I'd divorce you."
There are never any guarantees in life, so this discussion didn't guarantee we'd never cheat on one another. But having it did let him know where I stood. I knew where he stood. And knowing where we stood decreased the chances of nasty surprises.
I want to reiterate that this conversation came after we'd been together a while and had become serious. I spent much of our early relationship watching my husband to see if his actions matched his words. If they hadn't I would have let him go. The conversation would not have been necessary.
As for your question about men who cheat ten years later, I do believe that character is a good indicator about whether your guy will turn out to be one of these. Occasionally, people do change and others just make mistakes, so again you can never say never, but a man with character isn't going to go on a business trip with the intention of scoring a little side action.
I really hope this helps.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Book Review: Don't Ever Call Me, Ma'am!
I never get it when people, particularly women, worry about their age.
I don’t understand why they consider themselves less attractive or less valuable or less anything as they get older. It’s been my experience that people with a few years under their belts are funny, smart, and interesting (well, usually).
So when a book comes along to assure me that life begins at 40, I’m like, “No kidding.” You’re preaching to the choir.
But then I read my mail. I get email from women who tell me they might as well have dropped dead at 40. Men don’t want them. Employers don’t want them. The only person who does want them is the plastic surgeon.
(Again, personal experience shows me something else. A good friend, who’s 44 with two children, attracts a ridiculous number of men ranging in age from 20 to 60. Two years ago, she set her sights on a certain position in a certain location - and got it. Still has it, too.)
But if you’re a woman who fears 40, I do recommend Linda Franklin’s Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am! The Real Cougar Handbook. The first Canadian woman to own a seat on the New York Stock Exchange, the woman’s got a winning attitude whether she’s writing about success or relationships.
Here’s Franklin’s take on men:
The book includes a how-to chapter on dating and relationships, guest-written by dating coach and author Ronnie Ann Ryan (full disclosure: Ronnie’s a competitor of mine who’s now a friend). The book also features Franklin’s easy-to-follow advice on managing one’s finances and her success plan for achieving goals (with a very inspiring story about how one woman set out to become a best-selling author and became one). There’s also a chapter on sex, amusingly titled, “Sex Is Not a Job.”
Fore more information on Linda Franklin and Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am!, check out The Real Cougar Woman.
I don’t understand why they consider themselves less attractive or less valuable or less anything as they get older. It’s been my experience that people with a few years under their belts are funny, smart, and interesting (well, usually).
So when a book comes along to assure me that life begins at 40, I’m like, “No kidding.” You’re preaching to the choir.
But then I read my mail. I get email from women who tell me they might as well have dropped dead at 40. Men don’t want them. Employers don’t want them. The only person who does want them is the plastic surgeon.
(Again, personal experience shows me something else. A good friend, who’s 44 with two children, attracts a ridiculous number of men ranging in age from 20 to 60. Two years ago, she set her sights on a certain position in a certain location - and got it. Still has it, too.)
But if you’re a woman who fears 40, I do recommend Linda Franklin’s Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am! The Real Cougar Handbook. The first Canadian woman to own a seat on the New York Stock Exchange, the woman’s got a winning attitude whether she’s writing about success or relationships.
Here’s Franklin’s take on men:
"While it may be true that more women over 40 are enjoying relationships with younger men, they aren’t putting themselves on the auction block to do it. Don’t believe for a minute that a Real Cougar is a lonely predator skulking in dark bars preying on younger men. She is definitely not the cartoon character that too many make her out to be. Undoubtedly, this negative image was concocted by the overly testosteroned fantasy world of our male population. Let’s face it: Women are still the prime target for the good old boy’s double standard. And the only way we’re going to change that is to continue to excel doing it our way.”
The book includes a how-to chapter on dating and relationships, guest-written by dating coach and author Ronnie Ann Ryan (full disclosure: Ronnie’s a competitor of mine who’s now a friend). The book also features Franklin’s easy-to-follow advice on managing one’s finances and her success plan for achieving goals (with a very inspiring story about how one woman set out to become a best-selling author and became one). There’s also a chapter on sex, amusingly titled, “Sex Is Not a Job.”
Fore more information on Linda Franklin and Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am!, check out The Real Cougar Woman.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
It's Not True Love, It's Low Self-Esteem
Terry,
I had a one-year relationship with a man that I instantly hit it off with from our first date. We dated for four months and then circumstances in his life, sleeping on his brother's couch led to me asking him to live with me. For our whole year together our relationship was as close to perfect .
But something changed out of the blue, where I felt he was not trusting me, just things he would say before I left for work, little jabs here and there when I was talking to my friends on computer. I am to this day still deeply in love with this man, but....
He started acting pulling away and at first I noticed and let it go, but played out at the end of our relationship that he was seeing someone else, and in an instant left me for her. Now the woman he left me for has nothing, no car, she works at McDonald's. At 40 years old she has not ever strived to work anywhere else to better herself. But he tells me that everything is perfect. I see him out at the same club that I go to, and they look like they are on a blind date that is not going well at all.
Meanwhile, I'm independent and have an excellent job. I even helped him get into the same place that I work and helped him get promoted. I have to see him every day at work since we broke up. I have spoken to him and let the way our relationship ended go, the lies he told, the act he played when he left, saying I broke his heart that I was showing "signs of cheating", but what floors me is that I have no one and did not cheat, and here he did and still to this day blames me for our breakup.
When I speak to him, he limits talking to me just here at work, changed his phone number after us being broken up 7 months, or he will talk thru email and that is it. We have been thru all the emotions and not speaking and speaking and then fighting with each other.
I know that I have to let go and have tried to date other people, but
the only person that is constantly on my mind is him. What is that? True love? I have thought about him every day, made sure that he knows that I will always be there for him, but his body language is like he still has feelings for me, but his words do not.
What else can I do to get this man out of my head and heart, I feel so
stuck and have been so unhappy since he left. I thought by now that I would have met someone else and been in love again. But, my heart still belongs to him.
Tell me what I should do.
-Stuck on Mr. Moochie
Dear Stuck-
I'm sorry you're in pain. I have been there, so I definitely feel for you.
That said, would you please read over your letter with fresh eyes? Certain things will hit you between the eyes:
-You invited this man into your home to get him off his brother's couch.
-He became insulting and distrusting of you, the woman who got him off his brother's couch (not to mention helped him get a job and a promotion).
-He cheated on you and left you for the other woman "in an instant."
-He is still involved with this woman, a 40-year-old hamburger slinger with a boatload of baggage.
The thing that baffles me most is that you still want him. Sure, you may have had a couple of cozy times together, but rub the sand out of your eyes, Girl. The guy is clearly not worthy of you.
You say he changed his number. Were you calling him? Why would you ever call him?
You say he will communicate via email. Why would you glance in this person's direction, let alone email him?
He is not worthy to shine your shoes, yet you persist in thinking of him, reminiscing about the old times.
How can you get over him? Well, for starters, stop thinking of him. If that doesn't work, think of him with his arm around his little burger slinger, she in her cap and oily uniform. This is the life he has chosen.
Think about what you would do if he ever came back to you. Could you trust him? Respect him? What does he have to offer you besides the clothes on his back?
From where I sit, you may have a good job, but you clearly don't value yourself enough or you never would have given this toad the time of day.
Your best bet is to work on your self-esteem. When you love yourself, you will stop being attracted to individuals who are clearly incapable of adding any value to your life whatsoever. You will make room for people who will love you, encourage you, and make your happiness a priority
Start by reading a book called "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay. You may be able to find it in your library or your local bookstore. You can definitely get it at Amazon.
I hate to repeat myself, but please understand this guy has no business being in your head and heart. Evict him.
Terry
I had a one-year relationship with a man that I instantly hit it off with from our first date. We dated for four months and then circumstances in his life, sleeping on his brother's couch led to me asking him to live with me. For our whole year together our relationship was as close to perfect .
But something changed out of the blue, where I felt he was not trusting me, just things he would say before I left for work, little jabs here and there when I was talking to my friends on computer. I am to this day still deeply in love with this man, but....
He started acting pulling away and at first I noticed and let it go, but played out at the end of our relationship that he was seeing someone else, and in an instant left me for her. Now the woman he left me for has nothing, no car, she works at McDonald's. At 40 years old she has not ever strived to work anywhere else to better herself. But he tells me that everything is perfect. I see him out at the same club that I go to, and they look like they are on a blind date that is not going well at all.
Meanwhile, I'm independent and have an excellent job. I even helped him get into the same place that I work and helped him get promoted. I have to see him every day at work since we broke up. I have spoken to him and let the way our relationship ended go, the lies he told, the act he played when he left, saying I broke his heart that I was showing "signs of cheating", but what floors me is that I have no one and did not cheat, and here he did and still to this day blames me for our breakup.
When I speak to him, he limits talking to me just here at work, changed his phone number after us being broken up 7 months, or he will talk thru email and that is it. We have been thru all the emotions and not speaking and speaking and then fighting with each other.
I know that I have to let go and have tried to date other people, but
the only person that is constantly on my mind is him. What is that? True love? I have thought about him every day, made sure that he knows that I will always be there for him, but his body language is like he still has feelings for me, but his words do not.
What else can I do to get this man out of my head and heart, I feel so
stuck and have been so unhappy since he left. I thought by now that I would have met someone else and been in love again. But, my heart still belongs to him.
Tell me what I should do.
-Stuck on Mr. Moochie
Dear Stuck-
I'm sorry you're in pain. I have been there, so I definitely feel for you.
That said, would you please read over your letter with fresh eyes? Certain things will hit you between the eyes:
-You invited this man into your home to get him off his brother's couch.
-He became insulting and distrusting of you, the woman who got him off his brother's couch (not to mention helped him get a job and a promotion).
-He cheated on you and left you for the other woman "in an instant."
-He is still involved with this woman, a 40-year-old hamburger slinger with a boatload of baggage.
The thing that baffles me most is that you still want him. Sure, you may have had a couple of cozy times together, but rub the sand out of your eyes, Girl. The guy is clearly not worthy of you.
You say he changed his number. Were you calling him? Why would you ever call him?
You say he will communicate via email. Why would you glance in this person's direction, let alone email him?
He is not worthy to shine your shoes, yet you persist in thinking of him, reminiscing about the old times.
How can you get over him? Well, for starters, stop thinking of him. If that doesn't work, think of him with his arm around his little burger slinger, she in her cap and oily uniform. This is the life he has chosen.
Think about what you would do if he ever came back to you. Could you trust him? Respect him? What does he have to offer you besides the clothes on his back?
From where I sit, you may have a good job, but you clearly don't value yourself enough or you never would have given this toad the time of day.
Your best bet is to work on your self-esteem. When you love yourself, you will stop being attracted to individuals who are clearly incapable of adding any value to your life whatsoever. You will make room for people who will love you, encourage you, and make your happiness a priority
Start by reading a book called "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay. You may be able to find it in your library or your local bookstore. You can definitely get it at Amazon.
I hate to repeat myself, but please understand this guy has no business being in your head and heart. Evict him.
Terry
Monday, November 23, 2009
Are Men More Likely to Be Jerks?
If you believe what you hear from the media, you might think so.
The December issue of First cited studies claiming that if a married woman becomes ill, her husband is 80% more likely to cheat on her or leave her. It made me wonder: Has anyone thought to do a study on the percent age of wives who leave or cheat on sick husbands?
We’ve been told over and over that the planet is loaded with substandard men, but there are some lovely, loyal, loving ones out there, too, and I fear they’re overlooked. And when someone finally notices them, they’re dismissed as weird or too nice. They just don’t fit the stereotype.
Substandard men do exist, of course. I once knew a girl who cut off her father after learning he’d had an affair while her mother died. I don’t blame her. But women can be jerks, too. I knew a wife who indulged in a series of romances after her husband went blind. A good friend of mine (a guy) had a friend who cared for his wife while she battled cancer; she dumped him for another man shortly after she recovered.
The media (TV shows, tabloids like Star and Us) pump us with stories about women done wrong, but in my experience, females are just as likely to cheat or to mistreat a spouse. Men don’t have a monopoly on bad behavior.
It’s dangerous to think otherwise. When we go about life believing that men are inherently less moral than we are, we lower our expectations. Some of us put up with the cheater because — what do you expect –men are hardwired to spread their seed wherever they can. We give the guy who walks out on his sick wife a pass because, well, he’s a guy. He’s not programmed to be a caregiver.
And then, others who want a relationship with a man avoid getting involved because they just can’t trust anyone with a Y chromosome (these are not the same women who are happily single and want to remain that way). Still others will get into a relationship with a guy and sabotage it to sideswipe disappointment.
I think it’s better to see men and women as people, to understand that some of us are capable and willing of treating others as we’d treat them, and to proceed accordingly.
Will the guy you’re dating run out on you if you become sick? It’s an excellent question and bears thinking about (because how many women rush into marriage without even discussing whether they and the bridegroom are even on the same page when it comes to having kids?).
Before you put your life in a man’s hands, get to know him.
See how he treats people, particularly elderly people.
Is he patient with them? Is he kind to them? If he’s got a grandfather in a nursing home, does he make time to visit him, or is he “too busy?” At family gatherings, does he help the old aunt to the table, or does he trip over her like a piece of furniture? Does he visit sick friends in the hospital, or does he shake his head and say, “That’s too bad,” and log on to Facebook.
Don’t get caught up in studies and statistics. Men tell you if they’re worth your time. They tell you exactly who they are.
Are you listening?
The December issue of First cited studies claiming that if a married woman becomes ill, her husband is 80% more likely to cheat on her or leave her. It made me wonder: Has anyone thought to do a study on the percent age of wives who leave or cheat on sick husbands?
We’ve been told over and over that the planet is loaded with substandard men, but there are some lovely, loyal, loving ones out there, too, and I fear they’re overlooked. And when someone finally notices them, they’re dismissed as weird or too nice. They just don’t fit the stereotype.
Substandard men do exist, of course. I once knew a girl who cut off her father after learning he’d had an affair while her mother died. I don’t blame her. But women can be jerks, too. I knew a wife who indulged in a series of romances after her husband went blind. A good friend of mine (a guy) had a friend who cared for his wife while she battled cancer; she dumped him for another man shortly after she recovered.
The media (TV shows, tabloids like Star and Us) pump us with stories about women done wrong, but in my experience, females are just as likely to cheat or to mistreat a spouse. Men don’t have a monopoly on bad behavior.
It’s dangerous to think otherwise. When we go about life believing that men are inherently less moral than we are, we lower our expectations. Some of us put up with the cheater because — what do you expect –men are hardwired to spread their seed wherever they can. We give the guy who walks out on his sick wife a pass because, well, he’s a guy. He’s not programmed to be a caregiver.
And then, others who want a relationship with a man avoid getting involved because they just can’t trust anyone with a Y chromosome (these are not the same women who are happily single and want to remain that way). Still others will get into a relationship with a guy and sabotage it to sideswipe disappointment.
I think it’s better to see men and women as people, to understand that some of us are capable and willing of treating others as we’d treat them, and to proceed accordingly.
Will the guy you’re dating run out on you if you become sick? It’s an excellent question and bears thinking about (because how many women rush into marriage without even discussing whether they and the bridegroom are even on the same page when it comes to having kids?).
Before you put your life in a man’s hands, get to know him.
See how he treats people, particularly elderly people.
Is he patient with them? Is he kind to them? If he’s got a grandfather in a nursing home, does he make time to visit him, or is he “too busy?” At family gatherings, does he help the old aunt to the table, or does he trip over her like a piece of furniture? Does he visit sick friends in the hospital, or does he shake his head and say, “That’s too bad,” and log on to Facebook.
Don’t get caught up in studies and statistics. Men tell you if they’re worth your time. They tell you exactly who they are.
Are you listening?
Monday, November 16, 2009
Younger Men Like Older Women
Ever feel that getting older makes you less attractive?
Well, who could blame you? That myth is foisted upon us by the media every day. (It keeps advertisers happy because it sells tons of product to make us feel better about ourselves.)
Yesterday's New York Times dispelled it in an article about younger men who pursue older women.
According to the article by Marcelle S. Fischler, many young men are eager to date more mature women for a variety of reasons. Some are into it for probably the wrong reason (older women are more sexually experienced; one lummox described them as "grateful"), but others, including one 27-year-old who is dating a 41-year-old mother of three teens, say they like older women simply because they're more mature.
The article also mentions a 28-year-old real estate project manager who says he'd be willing to date 8 out of 11 women (nearly old enough to be his mother) who attended an event for younger men who wanted to meet older women.
Fischler also cited a British study which found that 20% of men in their 20s and 22% of men in their 30s would date an older woman. That's about one in five, Ladies.
Well, who could blame you? That myth is foisted upon us by the media every day. (It keeps advertisers happy because it sells tons of product to make us feel better about ourselves.)
Yesterday's New York Times dispelled it in an article about younger men who pursue older women.
According to the article by Marcelle S. Fischler, many young men are eager to date more mature women for a variety of reasons. Some are into it for probably the wrong reason (older women are more sexually experienced; one lummox described them as "grateful"), but others, including one 27-year-old who is dating a 41-year-old mother of three teens, say they like older women simply because they're more mature.
The article also mentions a 28-year-old real estate project manager who says he'd be willing to date 8 out of 11 women (nearly old enough to be his mother) who attended an event for younger men who wanted to meet older women.
Fischler also cited a British study which found that 20% of men in their 20s and 22% of men in their 30s would date an older woman. That's about one in five, Ladies.
Monday, November 09, 2009
When a Woman Earns More, Her Man Aims to Please
Brian Alexander, the author of America Unzipped: In Search of Sex and Satisfaction, details his findings about sex and economics. He writes:
Alexander offers the example of a corrections officer who is married to an oncology nurse:
Clearly, we females must stop being afraid of success.
For the rest of the story, click here.
"As more and more women in the U.S. out earn the men in their lives, or become the sole breadwinners, men are trying to figure out how they fit into the relationship, including in the bedroom."
Alexander offers the example of a corrections officer who is married to an oncology nurse:
"...since she brings home much of the bacon, he wants to make sure he’s offering her some perks too. He leaves affectionate notes around the house for her and tries to keep the house tidy. And he wants to make sure he shines in one special area.
Since she is 'handling certain areas of the relationship' like making most of the money, he said, “you’ve got to handle your business.” By “business,” Hayes means sex. 'You’ve got to be creative. You’ve got to be good!'"
Clearly, we females must stop being afraid of success.
For the rest of the story, click here.
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